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let me go [26 Dec 2007|01:07am] I am not Joel Madden, I never will be Joel Madden. I don't know Joel Madden, etc. etc. If you have any other questions check the website. And the bottom line of this entry is this journal is and always will be fake. Also on a side note, please add the following. tonylovato lead singer of mest, my brothers bestfriend. b_l_madden the better half of the egg, but also my biggest embarassment. martinbilly he's the guy that isn't benji or i. just kidding, he's the other guitarist. with a phat clothing company, level 27 but not as great as made ;). paul_t bassist for good charlotte. and is so talented with those skills he doesn't need any side projects. chris_wilson i think he hates me, but that is okay. i liked dusty better. 20 walk by

let me go [11 Feb 2004|08:58pm] a kitten got stuck in a drain in philadelphia and billy won't go get him, some vegan he is tony and i broke up, i think my cover of vogue scared him off. you think i'm joking don't you. i'm not, and don't worry, it was mutual tony and i still have sex on the weekends. ps dear psycho if you are trying to piss me off by undeleting you have lost everyone still hates you i got a couple razors if you want to end it all though, bye. 22 walk by

let me go [07 Feb 2004|11:56pm] i just battled proxy errors for thirty minutes to upload eleven new icons and that was my night watch us on the grammys tomorrow or something i am going to go find tony now bye :-[ 19 walk by

let me go [04 Feb 2004|02:11pm] i have been listening to 2ge+her all morning i really need to stop, what is this, i need to put some snoop dogg or chingy, cause that's where it is at, shiiiatt yeah. i am horrible at updating i will admit that first off. i never really know what to say and when i try i just ramble a lot about ponitless things from socks to rap music and sometimes even about how tony makes more noise than those slot machines when i.. anyways. it's been a good week, and whatever else it has been nice to just follow tony around i have no complaints about how things have been going, even if my boyfriend is always trying to cover my eyes when hilary duff comes on tv, yet drools over that seventeen year old human connect the dots board. I knew he never had taste, and this is just proving it more as the days go on. i just completely had a mind blank after that paragraph and i do not think i am going to get my thought process back anytime soon so i might as well end it here. i need to go eat anyways i wonder where i am right now i probably should ask tony, but peace. 18 walk by

let me go [30 Jan 2004|05:11pm] i am not one to make assumptions but let me just put out in the open if you are mocking my boyfriend i am not going to be too happy with you, so let's hope that is not what is going on and i can go back to being the peaceful guy that i usually am. it has been really have for me to get the urge to update lately, i just have nothing to say. yes i am lost for words for once i bet you are all suprised. it is just a lot easier to lay around, spend my time with tony and just hang out than having to write my thoughts out. i am listening to the new nick carter cd and i actually enjoy it i cannot help it even if i told the radio i wanted to burn him i will just say chris from nsync put me up to it. besides that benji is sane, so go say hi to benji he won't bite just keep any type of food products that are vegeterian friendly away from him to stop freak accidents from happening, he keeps going on about his rice pudding and i am going to spike it soon if he doesn't shut up about it. can't you all tell how happy i am to have him back and sane again. well that is all you get i am going to go watch lizzie mcguire and even stevens, peace. okay fine i will stop being lazy benji's username is b_l_madden. so there benji quit your bitching. 41 walk by

let me go [29 Jan 2004|09:56pm] Benji is sane again, but my screenname isn't so much, seeing it's jigga joel. Well hey we can't win them all can we. 31 walk by

let me go [25 Jan 2004|10:42pm] i told tony i would update so that is what i am doing. a couple days ago i got sick of having to be away from tony and decided to take an attempt to go see him. first i made sure to talk to him to make sure it would be okay, and he was more than happy that i offered to come :-[. he said he would be coming home the next day, but i missed him so much i couldn't wait, and really the play fare was nothing so i jumped on a plane, and headed on over there within lj time. making the wait not so long but still pretty painful at that, especially when they wouldn't let me off the plane, i started yelling at them asking them if they knew who i was. most of them didn't speak english and gave me this look like what is he talking about. so i gave up and just pushed through them and ran over to tony, i feel bad for him since i am suprised it didn't take the jaws of life to pull me off him :-[. after that we just spent the time together watching bad horror flicks and laying around. i really enjoyed the horror flicks part of the night though since i could easily make my way into his lap with no questions ask, not that he really ever asks questions just more makes sounds :-[ but that's for our private time and i am sure you do not want to read that anyways so cough i will move onto other things. besides that i am really not sure what to say i have been following tony around like a lost puppy, and taking care of my own puppy that billy and i bought together, named max. he is the best dog in the world, and great to cuddle with but not as great as tony, and tony's breath doesn't smell like ass either so that's a plus i would say. i really need to get on aim and so on because i think jamison is trying to steal tony again and i need to beat him off with a stick or get some raid i am not sure it seems i have a lot of competition from what i see you know because everyone who :-* at tony automatically wants to get in his pants. that was sarcasm for those of you who didn't catch on on a ending note i heard that harvey danger song on the radio and thought of benji, he disadded me again but i am sure he is reading this so waves hi benji i hope you are having fun harassing tony on your two million screennames. no one can ever say you don't have talent because you hit that block button quicker than anyone i know. either way i am out, peace guys. 29 walk by

let me go [20 Jan 2004|05:03pm] alright i thought i would just post some news first before i got into the actual update, because i know if i start writing i would forget about this so here it goes. we have a track on the upcoming NFL street video game from EA sports called "Let's go", which also has the X-Ecutioners on the same track. It's going to be some tight shit so check it out, it's only avaliable on the game as of right now. besides that i am down in FL with billy i think he is still here i sometimes lose track of my bandmates i need to put a tracking collar on him or something. what else can i say, i took him out for some vegetarian chinese and we talked about all things that had no importance and i made sure to past him love notes on chinese napkins with little backwards blushy faces on them. i don't think he appreciated them too much, that bastard. also i need to make my way over to steve and cyrus' so i can play with their puppy, i am kind of scared of cleveland though i think he could eat me. he looks a lot like steve, if he was furrier i'd ask if it was his and cyrus' child but i do not want them to kick me out before i get to play with cyrus' no name puppy so i think i will keep that to myself. i really do love nfg, even if jordan only updates with one liners, and chad loves benji more than me. well screw you chad i love cyrus more than you so take that biatch. i am kidding of course i just need to goof around to take my mind off things. i really have gotten to the point where if i didn't have my friends around to keep me sane i would probably be in jail right now for offing a family member. i don't really know what to think anymore, i'm not really sure if it even matters. maybe i'm a bad person, but i have feelings too, i guess i am sick of being the logical one, i would love to have a tantrum like benji so people would run to me, but that isn't me. i may be the younger one by a couple minutes but that doesn't mean i'm going to act like a fucking baby over some feelings that seem to never of meant anything anyways. i'm not angry, i'm just aggravated. i wish i knew what else to say. oh yeah all the used is finally here so add them, they're good friends of ours. so yeah quinnallman, jeph_howard, mccrackenator, and steineckert peace. 24 walk by

let me go sup benji_l_m [19 Jan 2004|02:40am] fuck you for never letting me get a word in. with your one sided bullshit how can we ever talk things out or get on solid ground again. you always block me out, you block everyone out. you even fucking block tony out. he's your fucking soul mate? then you fucking treat him like one, not like some piece of crap that you found off the street. and that's what you have been treating him like, it disgusts me, you disgust me. i'm not a fucking home wrecker, or am i anything like dad. you are the one who drank so much and went through the stages to becoming him, not me. i know how to fucking handle things, i know how to deal with my problems, and not have to run off everytime something big comes up. excuse the fuck out of me for being independent. for being the old brother you sure have a fucking lot of lessons you could learn from me on how to treat people, and how to understand everyone. anyone who says something you don't agree with is immediatly disregarded as trash, it makes me sick to see you treat my friends like that. they're like fucking family, especially the band, to take shit out on billy when he didn't even say anything, or didn't even ask you to explain. he was confused, no fucking wonder with all the shit that comes out of your mouth. you are fucking ill to blurt out all these things about tony not caring about me. he's so fucking scared to not reciprocate the love because of what you might do because of it. i'm the one who keeps tony sane, i'm the one who is there for him at night, not the one trying to seduce him and then say blame him saying all he wants is sex. i'm the one who is level headed in this situation, because you defiently aren't or have you ever been. i'm the one who has the support behind me. yeah i'm a fucking horrible person right? explain to me why everyone is behind me and supporting me and no one is there for you. it doesn't seem right. whose the real bad guy in this story. and lastly if you ever hurt tony ever again i will find pain worst than death to inflict on you, you fucking bastard. don't talk to me until you grow up, you are a fucking insult to the madden name. 9 walk by

let me go [18 Jan 2004|02:23am] [ mood | confused ] i wish billy was around so i could hold his hand either way i am not really sure what more to say i just wanted to update to say add paul_t even if his keywords hurt me. i will never update this quick ever again. i am going to go find somewhere to crash out though, maybe they will have a late night movie i can sleep through, peace. edit: this is so wrong 54 walk by

let me go [17 Jan 2004|04:44pm] the first ten minutes of this update was spent trying to log in. thank you brad for complicating my day more than it needed to be, you will never know how much i appreciate that. tour is japan is over, i'm still over there for the time being to tag along with tony for his tour until something comes up and i'm dragged unwillingly back to the states and away from him. i am not sure what the rest of the band is up to, which is kind of bad on my part. i never really talk to chris, and as for benji we haven't really been the closest either. paul is doing something constructive since my biscuits have been in high supply, and billy has been around to irritate me like no other. i refuse to hold his hand and walk him to the airport anymore. i hope some scary japanese person does it for me, that way he can sob the whole plane ride home and i will be giggling on the inside over the whole situation. i just checked my away message to figure out that people are continuing to warn me, mandy moore did too and well that was kind of hot she can warn me anyday of the week. she is my favorite pop princess ever since britney denied us a couple years back, not to mention i have been making multiple visits to the japanese movie theaters so i can see her new movie with voice overs, maybe one day i will go see it in english too, that way i can actually understand what is going on instead of laughing the whole time. either way if i do i'll bring tony so i can fake sniff, and take out some kleenex and tell him to hold me the whole time. hopefully the movie doesn't turn out to be a comedy or something or that would really ruin my whole plan. talking about tony he has been so great to me :-[, how did i ever get so lucky. the other day we decided to watch the mini tv on my cellphone until it suddenly started to talk out of nowhere and i threw it across the room and ran to tony for safety. technology is evil, and do not let anyone tell you different, it even tried to reel me back into another scare with displaying previews to cheaper of the dozen with hilary duff in them. it was hard to resist, but i did because i knew it's true evil, and either way i was enjoying cuddling with tony much more to even take any notice. i saw that chad from new found glory finally showed up so you should all add him, chadgilbert. i think that means all of nfg is here now if i am not mistaken, how great. even if cyrus tries to mack on tony >:o which i do not appreciate, i would go mack on steve to get even but i think i scared him enough when i tried to sell him gc lockets so i will resist the urge and let him be. what else can i really say, my ears are not big and i hope you die sanoe and oh yeah thanks to benji for posting those horrible pictures of me in his journal now you can all see the awfulness of my hair. but tony likes it so that is all that matters :-[, i am going now, peace. wait one more thing i just noticed nick changed his journal so add gigler_nick while you are on your adding spree, aight? 39 walk by

let me go [14 Jan 2004|08:43pm] whoever suspended billydmartin really has some issues, and owes him seven bucks for a paid account you fuck. i am not in a good mood, and i miss tony. benji and i are on at least civil terms now which is good, cause it's always rough fighting with him. i had more of an update but right now i'm too frustrated to type it up. oh yeah, nickxgiggler got a journal, so add him. 14 walk by

let me go [09 Jan 2004|06:07pm] so after wandering around random backstreets and whatever else i come back to jamison telling me he is shoving me in a closet. you know that is never nice, i do not appreciate that one bit. unless i can drag tony in there with me :-[, i mean, >:o i hate you jamison do not threaten me with closets anymore. i could make jackass comments about how i enjoy my brother's old personality better than the recent one, but you know what i am not him and i do not need to be coy about things in entries. i am very glad you do not like me, oh twin of mine, but my personality is not getting changed anytime soon, so quit your goddamn whining. maybe we could get along again if you would add me back one day, or even unblock me on aim. but we know that is never going to happen, and as great as it would be to communicate through telepathy, i really do not think that is going to happen anytime soon. so until we find some common ground again, i guess we can just be at the other throats until the end of the time. but i will just send cash over to make sure you do not do anything stupid, since i am not around to smack sense into you anymore. on the other side of things japan is wonderful. i really do love being in other countries, there is so much to look forward too, even though sometimes i do miss the american food because let's be serious, none of us really do know what the japanese may slip into your food. i am sure half the band brought it's own cuisine to avoid having any rat or rabbit slipped into their nightly meals. and billy is probably running around with his vegan handbook, just kidding man you know i love you. i would love you more if you were around more though. well i think i am really about to head out again, i'm impressed in these long updates as of lately. as for the aim thing i should be around later, i just am trying to budget my time, most of it being spent with all the promo we have to do while here, and the rest of it being spent with tony, whenever i get a chance. i am trying to cheer him up as much as i can, whether that means making up random dance steps out of nowhere to make him look at me like i am insane, or arguing with him over if lindsay lohan or hilary duff is better. and for the record it is obviously hilary duff so do not even hate. also i fought with sanoe over andrew the other day, andrew is my emo ball of fluff sanoe, not yours. i do not care if you have been dating for a year, me and andrew go way back you got me, wink wink nudge nudge.i am really kidding, i told you that japanese food was getting to my head, but either way, peace. 33 walk by

let me go [08 Jan 2004|07:27pm] [ mood | aggravated ] Up in Toyko tonight, minus not being able to figure out what most of them are saying to me, it's been a pretty good time, and I have really sharpened up on my charades. Even though i just get crazy looks when I try. They probably think I am mental by now, but that is okay, I haven't really been the saniest as of latey when it comes down to it. Tony is going through a lot now that he's up in Japan with all of us. I feel kind of bad now for dragging him along because he has now been put in the middle of very unsteady ground, between my brother and i. I have been trying to keep quiet only to explode on my brother when I see him work his mind games on Tony, to make everything into guilt. And i hate to admit it, but Benji's actions have disgusted me as of lately, even if he says mine triggered his, I don't care. I will accept my actions as my own, without looking to blame them on someone else, i bet he can't do the same. I sat around this afternoon as Tony rested from all the shit he has gone through as of lately. I kind of just stayed close, but not enough to crowd him, making sure if he needed someone I would be there, until I was pulled out to do some fan signings, but I made sure to take my cell, and leave a note telling him where i went along with a glass of water and some asprin, because i know all this emotional stress on him is bringing the physical on, which makes me feel even worse. I don't want to take blame for this situation, because it won't make things better for anyone, but I'm not sure what to do anymore. I might not be the ideal brother, and maybe i went off and chased after my emotions instead of looking towards my brother and seeing how he might of reacted, or feel about the situation, and at first I cared, but now I don't anymore. I truly don't. What is my reason to justify all of this? When did Benji show one fucking concern about Tony's feelings. How it feels to pressure him like this, to drop all this bullshit on him at one time. He didn't think twice before laying all of this on him. Not on how it might affect him, or how it might hurt him in the same regard. And with that it makes me also lose respect for my own flesh and blood. the other half of my egg, the better half. it makes me wonder how i'll fucking turn out if i'm the other half of him. with all that said, i'm off to go find somewhere to just chill out for the rest of the day, and maybe get some shit off my mind. i don't want to add anymore stress to what tony has to deal with. i'm here if he needs me, but i refuse to force myself on him. that isn't what it's about. if in the end of all this, benji is what makes him tick, what makes him happy, what he needs then i'm happy for him. But i am not going to fall on my knees in front of him, and kiss the ground he walks on as i beg for him to come back to me. This isn't about me anymore, it never was. The only thing I want is tony's happiness, that's my first and only priority right now. So yeah, I guess i rambled enough, I'm out. Peace. 8 walk by

let me go [06 Jan 2004|11:12pm] ( tony ) 34 walk by

let me go [06 Jan 2004|02:04am] Sup bro? Once you stop filtering me from all your entries, and unblock me from AIM, we'll talk about me maybe adding you back again, but until then, consider yourself disadded. Look at that ,you ain't the only Madden who knows how to play this game, aight? As for other things okay we know there is not other things, there is just Tony :-[ and I need to go back to him now, so I am going to stop updating this right this minute. I promise one day I will have something interesting to say. AHAHA that ryhmed, i am a poet and i didnt even know it :-[. aight, i'm out before i make more of an idiot out of myself, peace. PS - unlikely lovato: dont be upset sex kitten AHAHAHAA i love him :-[ 18 walk by

let me go [04 Jan 2004|12:02pm] between the last couple days i have had to beat an olsen twin off tony's leg, >:O casper away from him, and go an threaten cyrus' drumset to get tony all to myself. not that i'm greedy or anything. and then i go to bed early since my compture went nuts, and wake up to AOL today telling me Britney got married, and all I have to say is TONY >:o stop running to vegas when I sleep. I knew i should've stayed in bed watching the Lizzie McGuire movie for the 4903584933459th time this week. God I wish I was Gordo :-[ I mean Hi Tony I love you baby <3. What else can I say, we have the Japan dates soon. So it means heading over there with the band, and Tony :-[ in heal, thank god, because he is like my directional sense. We should probably bring cashdogg to be benji_l_m's official baby sitter, so I do not have to worry about him blowing himself up with firecrackers while I am off trying to charm Tony. It is so hard being the brother with sense, everytime he goes near something i need to smack him upside the head and say no. So instead we'll just train cash to drag him away by the pant leg. there's stress off my back, which means more me time for myself, which really means more Tony time :-[. Well I don't know what else to write, this is my longest update yet so I should get a gold star. I really need to talk to more people, but Tony is stealing all the love, between taking Jamison for taco's, and charming all the ladies. When I came online today though, I saw a piano ad in pop ups and i just wanted to say Andrew you were the first thing to come to mind. It was like a sign, because you know I am so used to those porno, no piano pop ups in the morning. But hey I like this a lot more, I don't have to worry about trying to cover my eyes when clicking out. It's so much easier. I like pianos, they fit my PG rating. I ramble too much, so I am going back to bed before I get in anymore trouble :-[ peace. 48 walk by

let me go [28 Dec 2003|12:42am] i am down in FL now with Tony and my brother Benji. It has been a good vacation away from things, and been relaxing especially since Tony bought me cookies last night and i love him more now. I managed to ramble tonight about humps and spitting and well it sounded really bad i swear it was cookies and not coke that i got into, the sugar really just got to my brain. after break is finally through we are off to japan, hopefully somehow we will catch mest when they come over there on later dates. i really don't know what else to say, thanks to everyone who added me back i appreciate that, and i think by now you all know but if you don't go pick up the AP magazine with us on it already, aight? well i'm out, peace. 23 walk by

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